On Vient de Loin
by Percephone
Summary: We come from afar. A continuation of Summer's Breath. James and Lily's explosive 7th year. Each individual must face their inner demons, and there's no better way to do that than with those you love. A story of friendship, bravery, evolution and death.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So here it is, the first chapter of the continuation of Summer's Breath. It's a bit late in coming, I know, and I'm sure the next update will either be by the end of today or in about a month...so I hope you enjoy this chapter! lol

For those of you who haven't read Summer's Breath, there is no need to (although it wouldn't hurt). I'm not going to pop out random things from that story without explaining them first. And, if you need clarification, ask me and I will do what I can to help.

This story will include drama (although not The O.C. type drama, but drama I feel everyone experiences during their last year of whatever), drama that I also figure would be true to the story.

Also, I know this chapter is really cliche! I mean, they are on the train, bla bla bla, but I needed to get this in, so that you know in advance what's coming up (I believe people refer to this as 'foreshadowing' - see if you catch on it!). I planned this story out, but it's a really rough and ugly plan that I need to work out...

**Disclaimer: I am writing on and therefore it would be logical to assume that, not only do I not own Harry Potter or anything pertaining to the stories, but that I am aware of it. As such, this will be my only disclaimer. You have been warned!**

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**Chapter 1 - Rule of Train**

If an uneventful train ride would have meant a very peaceful and quiet seventh year then, by that same token, a very eventful train ride would mean a very chaotic year. It was the rule of thumb – or rather, of train – one that Peter had actually conjured all his own. It was a trend, ever since second year after the group had officially been labelled a 'group' and they had taken to riding the train together. Second year's train ride and almost the entirety of the school term had been very boring, which is why James and Sirius had taken to playing pranks. The train ride home had been exciting; James had set his robes on fire trying to use an advanced spell that obviously backfired; Sirius' mouth had grown to roughly the size of a bagel as he also tried some sort of spell and it, too, backfired. Remus had struggled to put out the flames meanwhile Peter had squealed like a girl, terrified that James would die or worst, burn him. The summer between second and third year had been the most random and eventful summer any of them had ever experienced.

The thing about this rule is that you can't force it. You can't deliberately make the train ride fun or boring, it just sort of has to become loud on its own. Not that the Marauders had ever tried to influence the outcome of a train ride, for the thought was almost sacrilegious. No, the four friends had always let their lives unfold itself in front of them the way it was meant to be.

That was why James now sat in a compartment, desperately trying to concentrate on the words flowing from Lily's mouth yet unable to. His thoughts kept zoning out to the Rule of Train. It was a very structured train ride, very eventful but not in the same way it had previously been. Being Head Boy (which James had completely forgotten about) meant that he had some serious responsibilities, responsibilities that he thought himself incapable of fulfilling. It was annoying, really, but what could he do save try to keep his head above it all and commit himself to his new duties.

What could he do? Was he seriously thinking that? He could do anything he wanted to, he was Head Boy! And Lily Evans, Head Girl, was not only Head Girl, but she was his girlfriend! So long had he waited for it and now that he had it, he was so afraid that it would turn out for the worst, that he felt like he did about being Head Boy: he was way over his head, someone had misplaced him, and he should turn himself in before he was accused and charged of fraud.

In the Prefect's compartment, James sat with a straight back, keeping his eyes steady and level, almost as though he was evaluating all the people who sat around him. Remus' presence was really the only comfort James felt. Lily…Lily just made him nervous, which is why he averted his eyes from her whenever she was talking.

"So, I guess that's it. You can go and set out to do your duties now." Remus stood and sat beside James after Lily had spoken.

"You alright?" he asked the still very lofty headed James.

"Er, yeah, I'll be fine." James couldn't tell what he was looking at, he had been looking at it for so long that all the lines that defined the object's shape had smudged themselves into a big blur. Come to think of it, his eyes burned from the lack of blinking.

"That was some scene out on the platform James, care to explain yourself later?" James nodded without taking his eyes off the blur. There was a hint of suppressed demand in Remus' request. James knew he had failed to mention his summer romance with the object of his affection to his three best mates. He also knew why, though he would never admit it to himself. All that he knew at this moment was that his eyes burned, and that he realy wanted to be alone with Lily. He had to talk to her. "We'll be in our regular compartment," Remus stood and stopped in front of Lily.

"Remus," she greeted formally.

"Lily…" James felt Remus' eyes linger on him a moment. He mumbled something James couldn't understand. Judging by Lily's response, she had.

Lily stood and walked Remus to the door, thanking him for something and sat down next to James. "James," she called, but James didn't respond. "James," she said a little louder, but again, James couldn't respond. He was transfixed. The blur was turning into random objects that evoked memories of his childhood, of his younger self sneaking into the Prefect's compartment with his invisibility cloak, planting the odd dungbomb beneath the Head Boy's robes, securing some sort of firecracker in the Head Girl's sock. "JAMES!" James jumped. Obviously, the woman wanted to speak to him.

He turned to her, snapping his mind to the present day. It almost hurt him; his brain struggled against the on flow of memories, struggled to shut the door to that part of his brain. "Yes," he managed.

"Are you alright?" She turned her entire body around, pulled her legs up onto the seat and crossed them one under the other. She leaned her back on the window behind her and waited for him to answer.

He couldn't answer her, though. He was looking at her looking at him, and to James, that meant that he didn't need to speak, that she would understand without him needed to verbalise his thoughts. He wondered why he thought this, though. It wasn't as though they had spent their entire lives living together like he and Sirius did, almost joined at the hips, those two were. No, it felt much more…personal than that.

Lily leaned towards him and grabbed both his shoulders, turning him such that his back was facing her, and pulled him down to lay on her. James pulled his legs up on the seat, forced to bend his knees as the walls of the compartment were too close together for him to be able to extend his legs to their full reaches. He lay there for five minutes without talking, just staring at the ceiling, tracing its dull motif with his eyes. Lily's comforting hand fiddled in his hair the way his mother used to before he had grown out of that phase. Funny how the things your parents do to comfort you or to make you know they appreciate you, you eventually push away from and turn to someone else for. Had it been anyone else, James would have felt like a traitor.

"The last time my mom played in my hair was when my father died," he spoke casually. Lily continued with his hair, though James found her other hand and began to massage it, his feet burning at the thought that his hands were now touching one of hers. "At one point, I hugged her when she was sitting down and she wrapped her arms around me and started to play in my hair. I never really told her how much that small gesture helped me get a grip on myself. But sure enough, stupid git that I am, two weeks later I found myself telling my mother that I would prefer if she not play with my hair when I hugged her anymore." At this, Lily bent down and kissed his forehead, lingering there a while as he searched her face for some sort of judgement. He found none.

"My dad used to massage my hands every morning when I was younger. He used to say it was to get the blood flowing. He explained to me that, if the blood had good access to my fingers, then I would be able to write faster than anyone in my class." James closed his eyes when she pulled herself back against the window, not stopping running her hand in his hair. James kept massaging that one hand, bringing the blood from her palm into her fingers, and then from her fingers into her palm, down into her wrist, and up again. Over and over again he rubbed, making sure to come into contact with every centimetre of her hand. When someone gave him a massage and they left out a place of wherever they were tending (such as his back), James felt lopsided for a week. He, therefore, assumed that everyone else felt oddly lopsided and always made a point to rub every part of the body part he was in charge of, such as a back, shoulders, or hand. That was most likely why his mother loved it when he gave her shoulders a rub.

"When I turned thirteen, my dad stopped. I didn't tell him too, though, he just…sort of did. I guess what with me developing into a woman, perhaps he felt uncomfortable or something, but I never told him to stop. It's odd because I loved his hand rubs, but I also felt that…maybe it'd be better if it were someone else rubbing my hands. Not that I didn't feel comfortable around my dad or anything, And it's not like he ever did anything inappropriate, but it's just…I don't know. It's like you said; there comes a time in a person's life when they no longer see their parents' hugs or small gestures of affection as crucial to their survival, and rather, they begin to look for those things in others."

"It feels better when it's you," he added after a while. He really truly didn't know how to explain it. He had never felt more humbled and loved when his mother had hugged him, but it wasn't the same kind of comfort he felt when Lily did. "Not that I don't like it when Mum hugs me, but it's just I look forward to your hugs more so than I do my mother."

"Hmm," Lily rested her hand on James' shoulder. He let go of her other hand and got to work on that one. "It's weird."

"What is?"

"Growing up. Everything changes, like the way we see our parents and things, and it's just…weird. I know I want to be an adult and all, but there's something about being a teenager that's rather…"

"Comforting in its familiarity."

Lily sighed. "Exactly." He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss on them. "Are you at all scared about this year, James?"

Resuming the massage, James shook his head slightly. "No."

He felt her heart skip a beat. He smiled to himself. So he had caught Lily Evans off guard! "How could you not?"

James blushed slightly, realising how childish and stupid what he was about to reveal to her would sound. "It's a thing that I have with the guys. We call it the Rule of Train. You see, whatever the train ride is like before we get to Hogwarts is how the year at Hogwarts will be." He decided to go on, judging she wanted him to from the lack of her response. "It's fool-proof. Second year, I fell asleep, Sirius read a magazine, Remus sat on the floor and played solitaire and Peter slept as well. Second year was boring as hell. Last train ride home after second year, I lit myself on fire, Sirius hexed his mouth so it would grow huge, Peter screamed like a hare in a trap and Remus cursed like we'd never believe possible: summer between second and third year was amazing! We had to go to the Ministry to beg for forgiveness for our stupidities. We were caught expanding on an illegal something that was already there, and naturally, everyone thought it was us who had done it but anyway. Third year train ride to Hogwarts was fascinating. I discovered so many things, like secret compartments and things as such. It was the first time Sirius got asked out by a girl, although it was more like the first, second and third girl. I found a Quidditch magazine, and Remus found a turtle with three legs he later named Triene. Peter found a mirror. Third year at Hogwarts: Sirius officially became the 'hunk of the school', Remus realised he had three very good mates, Peter began to lose weight and I made the Quidditch team. Not the mention the food trolley spilled in our compartment on the way home for Chrsitmas…Need I go on?"

"So what will this year be like?" It was a test, James was sure. She was testing him, she was waiting for him to say something like, 'uneventful' or 'boring'.

"Comforting. Amidst all the craziness, like the meeting, I am able to lay back on you and feel complete ease. It's going to be an interesting yet comfortable year."

He heard her heart beating evenly, the lub-thub almost hypnotic to him. "You're not disappointed that it's not going to be one of those superly overly eventful ye-"

A loud crack and bang issued from beyond the door to their compartment. Lily immediately pushed James up so that she could tend to the matter straight away. James was more relaxed about it, slowly throwing his legs over the edge of the seat, standing purposefully and walked up to Lily. She was scolding someone for causing mayhem. James stared at the ingenuity of their compromising position. Then he recognized their faces. His stomach sank. Sirius, Remus and Peter had been caught doing something James had instructed them to do. Although it had been Sirius' plan, James had been the one to engineer it and now…now it was up in ruins.

"Lily," James interjected, feeling God-awful that he had been unable to come up with a good plan, "they weren't doing anything wrong."

Lily rounded on him, eyes glowing a fierce green. "Are you challenging me, Potter?" she spat, "Challenging the better judgement of someone who's been a Prefect since fifth year?"

"Don't you think Remus has the same judgement? He's been a Prefect –"

"He has **you** as a friend! It completely cancels out any good judgement he may have!"

"Hey!" Remus stood, wiping explosive powder from the seat of his pants and his robes. "I resent that comment."

James shot Remus a reassuring look. Remus caught on, turned to Sirius and Peter, whispered something, and they all stood and left. Sirius, about to walk into his compartment, turned his head around ever so slightly, smirked at James, glared at Lily, and closed the door.

The little sparkles in the corner of the corridor made James realise that Lily was still arguing with him. "Uhh, Lily," he said, "let's continue this in the –"

"I can't believe you'd still be defending them –" James droned her out. He kept his eyes on the sparkles, knowing full well the implications of what it meant that there were sparkles at all. He took her by the arm, pulling her back into their compartment, stuck his head out momentarily to instruct all students to go back into their compartments, but to keep their blinds open, and closed the door.

"Watch." Lily, seemingly surprised that James would completely ignore her ranting, actually clasped her mouth shut and waited after James to explain himself.

He didn't need to. The singing monkey, turtle, frog and horse that had resulted from a silent explosion, began to run up and down the train faster than the speed of sound, so that they covered every part of the train simultaneously. They sang a song about Hogwarts, though not the same song the children knew, about how first year and second year is really a year to find your mates, third year is meant to find someone of interest, to find out which of your mates are true, fourth year is to make sure the teachers know you're learning things outside of the classroom (like how to conjure a nice bogey ball) but still neglecting the stuff they deem as important. Fifth year, the animals went on to explain, was really a year of illusions; the teacher wanted to make you believe it was an important year on which the rest of your life would be based, but that the O.W.L.s were really no big sweat, and that anyone who stressed out would prematurely turn grey. However, they went on, fifth year is a year of discovery: the time when you embark on your first adventure, the year most girls mature, the year most boys de-mature, "The year you realise the girl you want wants the giant squid," chanted the horse. If anyone had any doubt as to who the horse represented, all doubt was officially cleared.

Sixth year, they all explained, was a year of sacrifice, for you learned to sacrifice precious homework time to go out and play outside, meander about the school grounds as it is in sixth year that you realise just how big Hogwarts really is, yet you have never taken the time to explore its vastness. Sixth year was the year your friends needed you most, the year it finally hits you that there isn't much time left to be free of those things that make your parents' foreheads wrinkle; the year you realise there is only two years left before you leave the ever-protectful wings of Albus Dumbledore, the year your realise that, at the end of next year, you're free game.

Seventh, the animals explained, was the year of truth, of finality, of sports. Seventh year was a time to show to the rest of Hogwarts what you had always wanted to do but never really found the time (or rather made the time) to do them. (Of course, this was a precaution to anyone who was reading into the song that whoever had pulled this off would be pulling quite a few more things before the term is over.) Seventh was the year that made it all worthwhile. Seventh year, they guaranteed, would be the best of all.

They ended the song with a little dance, an adjusted version of the Hogwarts theme song, equally praising Hogsmead, and an explosion that resulted in candies if anyone wasn't convinced that Hogsmead was the best thing to hit Hogwarts students since Hogwarts.

James and Lily stood in stony silence. James probably felt more uncomfortable than she did, at least he figured he did. Then Lily smacked his arm and enveloped him in a tight hug. "You're all mad, you are! Mad and genius!"

"Why, thank you," he replied in the most egotistical voice he could muster.

She slapped his arm again, still tightly pressed up against him from the embrace. "I think," she spoke as he pulled her down on top of him as he sat down on the seat, "judging by the Rule of Train, that this year is going to be the best one yet." James kissed her head. His heart was beating out of control.

"You can be sure of that," he reassured her as the meaning of her words found its way into his long term memory. _The best train ride Lily has ever had is the one she spent with me_.

**Please Review. It means more to me than you can imagine, and when I get feedback from those who read my stories, as corny as it sounds, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and makes me want to write faster, update quicker, and actually stimulates brain activity (in other words, encourages plot bunnies). **

Thanks!

Percephone


	2. Chapter 2

I am honestly desperately sorry that it has taken so long. I've been busy with school, but I've also been battling a very serious case of writer's block and lack of motivation. So here it is, probably the worst chapter I've ever written, but I think I just need to get past this transition from summertime to schooltime (in the story, I mean) and I'll be updating likea squirrel on a surfboard! (Doesn't make sense, I know...just go along with it!)

Note that we are no longer able to reply to reviews on here, so I'd just like to say a generic "Thanks!" to everyone whose read the first chapter and reviewed. You are the reason I feel so guilty for not having updated more quickly.

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**Chapter 2 - Everybody's Watching**

The Welcoming Feast, although definitely the best meal Hogwarts served all year, also happened to be one of the most repetitive occurrences in Lily's life. She vaguely recalled the butterflies she had felt when she had been a first year. Oh gosh had she ever been nervous. The oddest part, though, was that, being a Muggleborn and all, she had no clue what there was to be so nervous about.

She remembered the shiver in her spine as the Professor with the cold voice had called her name. She had almost hesitated, unsure whether or not her name had, indeed, been announced. With a nudge from the person she had sat with on the train, Lily took a few shaky steps up the stairs that led to the teacher's platform and sat herself on the stool. Although Lily couldn't recall word for word what it was that old hat had said, she did remember that he had pondered, out loud, between placing her in Slytherin and Ravenclaw.

'What about Gryffindor?' she had asked. The girl with whom she had sat on the train had explained all the houses and their trademark characteristics and Lily had almost been sure she would have made Hufflepuff for she welcomed almost anything…that is until the hat had left out that house. The hat had explained to her that to be a Gryffindor, she had to be set in her ways, brave, loyal. Lily had argued, trying to drill into the hat's head (although he had none) that she could be loyal if she felt the person or cause was worthy. The hat had laughed. 'Definitely Sly-'

'No! I don't want to go in Slytherin.' Her decision was made. 'And why not?' The hat sounded amused. 'Because I am not a like those guys,' she nodded her head towards the said table, focusing all her thoughts on how cowardly they seemed. 'I am no coward.' She thought that over and over. Finally, the hat had sighed or something akin to it, and had said, 'You would do great in Slytherin, Lily Evans, you have the character for it. But, you also have heart, and are incredibly bright, as I can see...' Then it had spoken aloud. "Ra - Gryffindor!"

Lily sat at the Ravenclaw table, talking in hushed and excited tones with one of her Ravenclaw friends. Ravenclaws were nice, they really were, and Lily believed she liked them most out of all the other houses. In a way, she felt sort of guilty that she had been against going into Ravenclaw, but that guilt had faded and morphed into admiration for the house, and, at some points, envy. Gryffindor always won the Quidditch Cup, but Ravenclaw won the House Cup thrice in six years. Hufflepuff had won once, Slytherin too, and Gryffindor had miraculously gotten an extra five hundred points added at the end of last term and thus, had won. Dumbledore had explained that someone had done something so selfless, so brave and so worthy of praise, but that person refused to be known and so Dumbledore had decided to shower his or her house with points. The Marauders seemed dejected at it, though they had cheered just as loud as the rest of the table.

"James is coming," the brown eyed Ravenclaw, Lorenna, said. Lily smiled, excused herself, and stood.

"Are you coming or are you going to spend the feast here? Hi Lorenna," he added as an afterthought.

"Hello Potter." Lorenna turned her back to them and engaged herself in another conversation.

Lily smiled at James. She couldn't help it. He just looked so out of place standing near the Ravenclaw table. Not that James wasn't bright, quite the contrary, but he just seemed to encompass all those qualities that made Gryffindor so…Gryffindor-y. It's like red and gold light shot out of his head, his eyes, his arms…everywhere Gryffindor!

"Yes, I'll be sitting with my house, James. You?"

"What kind of question is that?" Fair enough. He was right, it was stupid of her to even think about asking. But see that was just it, she hadn't thought about asking, she had just asked it.

"Right. Well then, have fun!" She walked passed him, making sure that her shoulder rubbed against his arm. Then he grabbed her left hand and spun her around. Her heart fluttered. _Great, now I'm a cheeseball._

"Lily Evans, I think you owe me something." His voice wasn't loud, but it was clear. Almost piercingly clear, that kind of voice that told you his mind was organized, the kind of voice that told you he was in control, he knew what he wanted, knew how to get it, and knew there was no other way but to get it.

Lily walked closer to him, looked only at him – at his eyes behind his glasses, to be exact – and said the first thing that came to her mind. Yes, Lily was quite the impulsive one, a trait that was both a part of Slytherin and Gryffindor, although Gryffindors were most often impulsive out of dire need, whereas Slytherins often found themselves impulsive due to change in their needs.

"I may be your girlfriend, Potter, but that doesn't mean I'm at your beck and call. You want something, get it for yourself!" What had come over her? Absolutely nothing, she reminded herself, it was simply her honest conviction. She was terrified that James would start acting like a complete jerk now that she was his girlfriend. Not that James ever said or did anything to make her feel that he would, she just…

Whatever she was about to think to herself was forever lost. Amidst her thought-rants, James had muttered, "Alright then," and had planted his lips on hers. Suddenly, Lily was aware of the fact that the Great Hall, all of it, was in dead silence. Honestly! You could almost hear the crickets chirping their discomfort. The silence reminded Lily of where she was – Hogwarts. If there was ever a place you could rely on for spreading rumours faster than lightning, Hogwarts was the place. Now, she knew the rumours about James and her dating would cease before they began; to her dismay actually, for she was sort of looking forward to laughing in people's faces about her supposed affair with Potter. The rumour was confirmed before it even started.

Someone cleared her throat. McGonagall. Who else? Lily turned, lips still attached to James', and faced the would-be terrified first years. They weren't terrified. They seemed to be making disgusted faces, as though catching two people kissing was the most stomach turning thing anyone could experience. She felt James' lips spread into a thin smile. Her lips twitched, and she was dying to laugh out loud, but she kept it in. McGonagall looked somewhere halfway between amused and furious, which made it even funnier. Dumbledore, Lily noticed, was getting ready to clap.

"He's gonna clap," James informed her as though he read her mind. It felt weird to have his lips move against hers as they formed words. Lily smiled, giggled even. Still, Lily's and James' lips did not part.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, your Head Girl and Head Boy!" Dumbledore bellowed good naturedly, eyes shining like the lake. He seemed to be enjoying this a little too much for Lily's comfort, though she didn't waste too much time on this. Dumbledore usually supported the things no one else did.

James took his lips away from hers (she almost growled at him for doing so) and kissed her softly on the nose. Then, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, gave it a little squeeze, and thanked Dumbledore. Lily just stood there frozen, horrified of all the attention yet…was it like? Yeah, she liked it…not all of it, but some of it… mostly, she liked the way James shrugged it off as a casual occurrence. She had always had some sort of respect for James, even if he was a very prattish person, for he seemed so at ease with any attention he got, so completely in his element whenever he dealt with people (excluding all Slytherins or other houses before a Quidditch match). He also had this thing that made him surface as the leader of anything. She had been forced to do a presentation for Potions last year with James and a few other random people, and she had been amazed at how everyone found themselves depending on him - even she! Lily, who had the most amazing grades in Potions! She had depended on him to be their leader. It had been unsettling, unnerving, and somewhat of an awakening for Lily.

oooo

People kept randomly walking up to James and expressing their congratulations. As if that changed anything to him. Really, all he really wanted was to walk up to Lily, wrap his arms around her waist and take her away from her friends so that she could spend time with him. Only him. It was sick, very primal feeling he had; a very animal-like sense of possession. He struggled against it, constantly battling the perverse feeling he had to just whisk her off and lock the world outside of their door and spend the rest of eternity making each other happy. He was half disgusted by it, knowing full well society's view of a possessive wizard over his witch. But the other half – he was mesmerized, almost grateful that Lily could evoke this feeling in him, that her tentacles could reach beyond his skin and suck all the blood from his limbs and shoot it towards his chest. It sounded negative whenever he tried to explain it to himself, but he knew it was the opposite. It was beautiful, genuine. It was theirs.

He walked up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and snuggled into her neck. Someone in the group she associated with started ranting on about how he hadn't been invited to pry into Lily's life. A Slytherin, no doubt. He wondered, at this point, just randomly out of nowhere, why he found himself free of the discomfort that had manifested itself within their relationship when she had stayed at his home. He had barely been able to hold her hand without hesitating first, without a long debate about whether or not she would appreciate his hand in hers. Now, he seemed not to care. She hadn't pulled away in the Great Hall. That's probably what had done it. It had been a test, much to the same effect as her test on him in the train concerning the Rule of Train, If she would have pulled away, that would have meant that she was somehow embarrassed of being with him, unsure of their relationship.

But she hadn't. She had held on for as long as he had. In fact, he distinctly remembered being the one to pull away. That small notion had meant that she was serious about being with him, even after that little spat she had had at him just moments before.

"Jaaaames," she turned around and spoke in a warning voice. He loosened his grip slightly and let her push him away from her friends. "What do you think you are doing?"

Cold. She was so cold sometimes. "Nothing. Just giving you a hug is all." It sounded sincere, it sounded innocent, it had sounded good to him.

"Why?" That question, as simple and mediocre as it was, stumped him.

"Why would I need a reason to hug you?" Honestly, he didn't understand Lily. He had stopped trying to understand her this summer when he realised that her reasoning was at complete ends with him. And it wasn't only Lily, it was woman kind. Witches were so odd and weird, different from wizards, that James had simply told himself to stop trying fruitlessly to understand, and rather to accept them as they were without question. She remained silent, although he knew something was brewing in her mind, so he continued. "I mean, think about it Lily. I've been wanting to hug you for a while now. And I don't mean a few minutes, I mean years, and now that I finally can without having to worry about you snapping, I am taking advantage of it. Does that make sense?"

"James, James, James….what am I going to do with you?" She backed away. Was it a test? Sometimes, that witch could make him feel as though he were standing on a time bomb.

He took a step forward. "You are uncomfortable with us, Lily?" It was a statement voiced as a question. That's how it was, genuinely.

"No. I'm not uncomfortable with many things."

"My mother is one of those?"

"Was."

James pondered. "Then what? You say you're not uncomfortable, and you act like you aren't, but then I go up to you, hug you and you make it seem like I am embarrassing you!" Why was he saying this? Had his lips overthrown the use of his brain? Try as he might to refrain from speaking more, James found himself unable to. There was something about her eyes, about the way she kept stealing glances at the place where her friends had stood with her moments before and had now walked away. It made him feel awkward, really, and he decided then that, given the opportunity, James would go back in time and stop this conversation from ever happening.

She seemed to be fighting with something, maybe debating what was supposed to be the nicest way to let him off. "You're smothering me, James. It's only been a week that we've made it official, and you're already acting as though we've been together since first year. I'm getting too much affection from you in a short amount of time. Does that make sense to you?" He nodded. "Plus, I was trying to tell them about sensitive subjects and you sort of show up uninvited."

He glued his eyes to the ground. He felt like his five year old self when his father had told him how disappointed he had been in him. Honestly, James hadn't known that it was inappropriate to walk in his father's study and bring him tea when his door was closed. James hadn't known that his father was in a serious, private meeting about something or another. It was the same now. He hadn't known that Lily and her friends were in some sort of private meeting, and now, although she didn't say it, he felt she was disappointed in him, almost like he should have known. "I'm sorry."

She smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry about it, James. We're both new at this, and I know that…what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Then why look dejected?" He shrugged, still not taking his eyes from the floor. "James, you're acting weird. What is it?"

That was the initial reason he had set out to find her. He was avoiding the Marauders. But he didn't want to worry her with that, with the fact that he and his friends had had some sort of squabble concerning her last night. So he did what ever seventeen year old boy would do were they in his shoes. "I just wanted to give you a kiss, that's all." He congratulated himself as he kissed her forehead, watching a smile form on her face. He had managed to stay in the realm of truth, as he had wanted to kiss her, but he managed to get out of telling the real truth. Pulling away from her, James stuck his hands back into his pocket, smiled sheepishly at her and told her to get moving if she wanted to catch up on her friends.

"James!" she shouted over her shoulder from the opposite end of the corridor. James, shuffling his feet, turned to look at her. "I'll see you later tonight, alright? Around nine," she spoke walking backwards, checking every so often behind her lest she bumped into something. "I'll be at the library. You can escort me to the common room?"

James smiled and shouted, "You better be ready at nine, then!" She laughed and turned to run towards her friends.

Still deep in thought, James walked slowly towards the Gryffindor common room, back to a quiet corner to finish that DADA essay the nutty professor had assigned them on their first day.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN - Sorry for the long wait, but with the nasty quality of what had been previously written as Chapter 2, you should be thankful that I didn't put anything out until now. Thanks to all who reviewed - once I get a hold of the new ways, I shall write back immediately!**

**For now, Enjoy and please, R&R**

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**Chapter3 - Unexpected, Uninvited**

It hit him harder than he expected.

Sure he had considered the consequences of announcing his conciliation, of sorts, with longtime crush to the entire school, but never had he given it so much thought as to come to the conclusion of what actually happened. It unnerved him, actually, just how wrong he had been with his expectations.

And he really figured he had considered it all: the entire school riling up against them, all the girls convinced he was only going out with her for his own advantages, or that he was only using her. Likewise, he had considered the boys of the school completely turning his back on him, as dating the Head Girl, the Evans that had basically not given up the fight to expel him, was almost blasphemy. Oh yes, Potter had thought of it all, all except this, which is why he had been so surprised to see that, well, nothing happened.

So James had been a little worried about the official announcement of his 'togetherness' with Lily for nothing, but apparently, she had been twice as anxious…or anticipatory. Either way, the ease with which her (Gryffindor) friends meshed with his friends was more than enjoyable. In fact, James was truly relieved at the easygoing conversations they would have late at night (during the weekends, of course), all hogging the couches nearest the fireplace, poking fun at each others' pajamas. The entire first month went by blissfully, without a single hitch.

"I can't believe you actually thought a war would ensue! Honestly, James, you've really gotta get a hold of your imagination!" Lily smiled at him, leaning against his outstretched arm on the loveseat in the common room. Saturday nights, after everyone left to their dormitories, were designated Lily and James' alone time. After two weeks of constantly being surrounded by their friends, James had felt like whatever he and Lily had was not quite what he wanted from it, and he had been beyond thankful that she had brought it up and felt the same. And so, in order to not offend or neglect their friends (because face it, it's the most awful feeling when your friend gets a boy/girlfriend and ditches the rest of her/his friends), they reserved a time for only them. Usually, they used this time to talk about smaller things of lesser importance, such as how Heads duties was going and how his mother was lately, but occasionally, they would talk about serious things, like the almost-fight they had had during the first week of school. Sometimes, they didn't even say anything at all! But, then again, to James, it didn't really matter about the content of the dialogue, all that really mattered was that they both enjoyed their time.

The best part of it all was that no one really seemed to mind. Not really. And in any case, if they did, they would just have to swallow their complaints because James just did not feel like sacrificing this. Yes, he liked to play with fire, but not this kind…not Lily.

"At least I didn't think we'd break off before the end of the first week," he replied nonchalantly, as though when he had first she had said that, he hadn't been offended, when in reality, it had crushed his poor spirit to bits that Sirius had to force feed him that night in the dormitory.

"Well, you were avoiding me –"

"Only because you were avoiding me!" His voice broke. _Damn_.

Lily laughed, as always, resulting in a bright pinky glow on James' cheeks. "James, will you ever understand girls?"

James shook his head violently as he pulled a piece of fluff from Lily's hair. "Nope. And don't try to explain it to me. Somewhere between a girl's thoughts, the way she speaks them, or rather, expresses them since girls talk a lot but never really get around to what they really mean to say, and the way a guy's ear hears things, his brain processes the new information and then the little voice inside his head translates the electric whatevers to comprehensible guy speech, the meaning gets lost and distorted, so I've basically come to the conclusion that to try to understand any female would be vain."

"So you just smile and nod?"

"Nope, I just reflect whatever they do," he diverted his eyes to the dying fire.

"Well, that's nice to know. So that means if I'm mad at you, you'll get mad at me just because?" she handed him his wand.

"Well, no, I don't think I would," he lifted his arm and whispered the spell that revived the fire. "I think I'd ask Remus or Sirius first if I did anything wrong to their recollection, and if they say yes, then I apologize to you right away." She took the wand from his hand and laced her fingers in his in its place. "If they shrug and say "I dunno," then that means that I…not avoid you, but I try not to…I give you space for a few days, and I watch you. Once you give me the impression of being ready to talk, then I think I would send you something, like a note, via owl post or something like that." He glanced down at her, trying to pry from her eyes something that could resemble disappointment.

She burst out laughing. James' grunt-like chuckle said nothing of how embarrassed he felt at the moment.

"James!" she laughed uncontrollably, "you are the most weirdest most complicated guy in the world!" She tried to regain control of her voice, but he could obviously still feel her shoulders moving. Her silent laughter shook the entire couch!

"What would you have me do instead, then?" He really did hope that she had a straightforward answer to his seemingly simple question, but knew deep down inside that there was no simple answer. Girls, at least all of the ones he had dealt with, never had simple answers to a derivative of "What should I do?"

His question stopped her laughter, which was an added bonus, but on the downside, she sat there thinking quietly for a good minute. James was scared he would have to repeat the question, but figured that if she did not respond, it only meant that he should not go there.

"Exactly what you said," she sounded surprised. Heck, she even looked it. James was way past surprised. He had officially reached the "shock" level.

"Huh?" was his brain's only feedback.

"Well," Lily began, snuggling into his chest meanwhile wrapping his arm around her like a blanket. "Maybe not exactly like you said, like, perhaps it'd be better if you would do all of this in one day, but, other than that, that's pretty much what I like people to do." He concentrated on his breathing. Seriously, it is difficult to keep that under control while you are gasping on the inside.

"So then why did you say I was complicated?" He noticed her eyes were closed.

"Because you've already put so much thought into it." Silence. Breath. Silence. Breath. Crackle. Silence. Breath. That went on for a few minutes, before Lily mumbled something that sounded very much like, "We've only been together a month and already it seems you've considered every single thing that could happen and found a way out."

Well if people thought James was incapable of feeling boastful, at this very moment, just by the look on his face, they would be proven wrong and would beat themselves over the head with a toilet seat. It wasn't so much what she had said rather than how she had said it…almost as though she appreciated it.

"Lily?"

"Hmm."

"Are you falling asleep?"

"Hmm."

"Come, I'll bring you to the bottom of the staircase." Something tried to come out of her throat, but was muffled by her pressing her face against his shirt. "Come, Lily. You'll be warmer in your bed."

She rubbed her eyes and stretched her arms out then looked him square in the eye. "You know, for a Marauder, you're pretty strict with rules."

He stood, extending his hand out to help her. She accepted, having no choice but to, since she had difficulty keeping her eyes opened. "Only those set by you, Lily."

"What's that?"

"Nothing. Good night Lily." He kissed her on the forehead and led her by the small of her back up the first few stairs.

"G-ahhhhh-d N-iiiiiiiiight James," she yawned. James stood at the bottom of the stairs for many a minutes before he gathered up their belongings and headed up to his own dormitory.

As quietly as he could, James opened the door, tiptoed in, closed it, and tiptoed (really on the tips of his toes) to his bed where he placed the books on the ground and pulled the covers back. Just as he was snuggling in his blankets, he heard a whisper.

"Don't start, Sirius, just go back to bed." Not too long after, James fell into a cycle of dreams about Sirius turning into an alligator.

IIIIIIIIIIII

"Twice clockwise, Potter, CLOCKWISE!"

"I AM GOING CLOCKWISE!"

"NO, POTTER! THAT'S ANTICLOCKWISE!"

"YEAH, TO YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE STADING OPPOSITE ME!"

"Oh," the professor blushed a deep scarlet at the class' chuckles. "Very well then, continue the good work."

"Thank you," James growled as the idiot of a professor they had for advanced potions walked away to the next table. Once out of earshot, James started his rambling. "What is it with that guy? He's always after me like a leech waiting to find the next cut to suck on!"

Sirius shrugged, cutting the rosemary leave into squares and then sprinkling them in the coppery mixture. "Ask Lily."

"Why?" James asked, slightly offended that Sirius would use the same tone he said the word "Potions" for his girlfriend's name.

"Because she seems close to him," he sighed and grabbed James' book to look at the next ingredients.

"Oh." Very few words were spoken between that time and the end of class. Something told James' not too keen intuition that Sirius was mad, angered, or at least, bothered by him. But, this sort of thing always happened between the two. They were almost brothers, so it was only natural that, after a while, the smallest blink of an eye sent the other through the roof. That's what James told himself in order to convince his brain that whatever Sirius was bothered by was irrelevant to him and that if he wasn't coming out with it, then it was obviously not important.

But when Sirius stood and left the table when James sat down beside him during lunch, something went off in his head that said, no, this guy's really cheesed off.

"Why don't you go after him?" Remus. Always the voice of reason.

"It's not like he's my girlfriend."

"Interesting that you should say that."

"So this has something to do with Lily?" his jaw dropped to the table. His head ran away with his thoughts. Sirius, never one to be jealous of anything, was the last person on Earth James suspected would react this way to James' luck. They always supported each other, through the thick and the thin, and now, when everything was going so perfectly well, Sirius decided to hate Lily, the girl that was quickly becoming the meaning of his life without him actually realizing it, just because she was dating him! That was preposterous.

"Don't ask me. I'm just telling you that I think it'd be better-"

"Well don't. I don't need you, or anyone for that matter, telling me how to cooperate with my friends and Lily." He stood, face slightly flushed from the anger welling up inside him. How could his friends do this to him? "If you guys can't come to terms with the fact that I'm with Lily, then fine!"

Remus looked put out, almost disgusted at his attitude, but James didn't care. This behavior was completely and utterly uncalled for. "Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions, James."

James, halfway out of ear range, turned his head and glared at Remus, thankful that he had given him a flame to feed. "Don't be so quick to judge, Remus, and mind your own business." With three long strides, James swept out of the hall and into the corridor. Once he found Lily, all would be well, he knew it. Once he found her, he'd tell her how his friends are overreacting and taking their relationship extremely immaturely, and were not worth keeping as friends if they behaved in such a manner.

It was these exact thoughts that always seemed to lead him into boiling water, for the words that left Lily's mouth were completely uninvited: "You did not!"


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **This chapter is told through Lily's perspective. It's not really what I wanted it to be - she's sort of dislikable here, but it's all in good spirits. I re-read SB and I saw that on one of my comments, I wrote that Lily wasn't growing at the pace James was, and I never really worked on that, so here it is...

This chapter is also pretty, not deep, not thoughtful or sombre, basically, it doesn't have much homour, and I apologise for that. I will make up for it with this briliant scene in my head which I know (or at least I desperately hope) you will all appreciate.

Once again, please enjoy yourselves, and if you have any comments, any suggestions/criticism, please feel more than free to write! And I thank those who do!

Yours Truly

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**Chapter 4 - I thought you said he was bright!**

It actually took him a very long time to squeeze out any meaning behind Lily's disappointment in his words. Heck, even after they had argued for an hour, he still showed a lack of any real sort of understanding, a feeling much akin to there being an odour in the air yet being unable to distinguish it from the rest, therefore failing to pinpoint exactly what odour your nose detects. He quickly became flustered, demanding of her an explanation as to why she would suggest such unheard of, ungodly ideas. It aggravated her more than anything, though, that he would have to question her reaction. As if he didn't know!

"I don't know if he really wants to not understand or if he's really _that_ clueless!" she exclaimed as she let herself fall upon her untidy bed. She quietly felt ashamed of herself knowing full well what impressions James had of her (a neat, tidy, very organised girl) when in all actuality, she found herself to be a bit scattered and at times, unbelievably irresponsible.

"He doesn't get it?" asked the raven-eyed girl in the darkest corner of the dorm. "After all that screamin' and yellin'?" Lily sighed exasperatedly, not really wanting to answer that question.

"Geezus, Lily, I thought you said he was bright!" chimed another girl mockingly, the one that Lily had taken to be her second to best friend – that is, until she found out that she had previously dated James. Lily had quickly made her her 'bestest friend ever'. Why? Lily wasn't quite sure herself, but she knew that James could probably over analyse it and come up with a decent answer. At least, he could do that concerning every other thing.

She sighed once more. "My head huuuuurrrrts. I wanna go to sleeeeeep!" she whined, letting her calm and composed, yet shaken, exterior deteriorate to the point of leaving her with the same emotional capacity as a six year old. Rolling over on her side, she grabbed the pillow that had been recklessly shoved against the wall during her sleep, and slapped it atop her head. "EYE EEEE?" She moaned. _Why me?_ She asked herself.

She waited until she knew no one was moving, kept her thoughts clear of any ideas, especially those which would inevitably lead her back to James. Unfortunately for her, James could pretty much be the result of any thread of thought. For example, last night, one of her roommates began talking about her new broomstick. Lily's mind went like this: _Broomstick equals Quidditch equals James. James probably would like a new broomstick for Christmas. He'd be so happy…_ And when she came back from her private shopping list, someone yelled out "NO WAY! PINK?" And so, Lily's head spun off again. _Pink, like when James blushes, his cheeks go pink, but sometimes go red and…I'm a hopeless case!_ And now, underneath her pillow in the dark refuge of her curtains, she fought and battled against her better self. _Think of anything else, Lily, anything…anything at all!_

So as she undressed and pulled on her lovely yellow pyjamas with little bluebirds, Lily reminded herself of James' pyjama bottoms he had worn that day those three boys had come to his house. At this point, Lily recognized defeat, and knew that the only way for her to get her thoughts away from James, would be to address why she was thinking about James in the first place…apart from the fact that he was her boyfriend, that is.

The answer was simple and clear: he hated her. Okay, so she was being a slight bit rash, but the way he had thrown himself on the couch when she had stormed up to her dormitory, she knew that he had been upset. No, no he had been more than upset. He was furious! James was furious because of her, because she was upset by him….AHHH this was such madness! Why would she care so much about what James thought, anyway? If he wasn't happy, he should just not date someone who most people could have sworn belonged in Slytherin. No! Now she was making excuses, actually sounding exactly like what she had been angry with James about in the first place. O, but this was such a cruel world, after all. What did he expect her to do, anyway? He was the one who made her upset…but why should she be upset if he would sacrifice his friends for the sake of protecting her, to protect his and her relationship? Should that not be taken as a compliment? Should she not have "awww-ed" and thanked him for being so sweet (like normal girlfriends would surely be inclined to doing), then taken him by the hand, led him to the couch, snogged for a half hour then have told him that it would make her beyond happy to have him and his friends get along again.

Bullocks! Lily wasn't like that. In fact, in the few months (almost three, now!) that they had dated, Lily and James had never full-fledged snogged. She had set up boundaries, or at least, she liked to believe that she had set up borders, across which James could not go. Oh, of course, sometimes she found herself lust for his lips in the middle of class, or even dreaming about him whisking her off to some romantic place in the Forbidden Forest where they would snog for hours… _I am demented!_ She once had tried to explain to herself why it was she was keeping James at such a distance when he had proved over and over to her how devoted, charming, and trustworthy he was, and found herself baffled, speechless, and unable to conjure even one fake explanation. And so, like most "demented" people do when they have no way out, she had blamed it on her own dual personality.

When it came down to it, she knew it was true. Lily, her friends often pointed out, was a very ambivalent person. Almost double faced, to the point of having two different sets of attitudes. Of course, Lily claimed it was all due to her inability to find a good way to mesh two personality types into one mega personality. She also claimed that her real character was the brash one, the one she took up when it was only her and her best mates.

"_And what about when you're with James?" The pink, puffy cheeked Slytherin had asked not too long ago. _

"_Yeah," echoed her best mate, a very narrow faced and beady eyed Ravenclaw, "you're all calm and stuff…like, quiet, super shy Lily!" The lot of them indulged in an uproar of laughter, as though the words "shy" and "Lily" shouldn't even share a dictionary, even if they were separated by hundreds of pages._

Still, the question had been very real to her then, just as it was now. Unable to answer with something decent and believable, Lily had joked it off, something about not wanting to 'scare the poor pup away' as she had put it. But was that really it?

James could evoke in her a feeling of rest, of peace, of an almost harmonious rhythm inside. Even when she was first confronted by her parent's absence, Lily had found something soothing about her banter sessions with James. His ability to rile her up in ten seconds and then keep her screaming at him for another forty five minutes was something she cherished as it was these sessions that had, at first, helped her relieve her anger and stress when her father had passed. And when she had stayed at his house last summer, the way he would blurt random thoughts and ideas and still, miraculously, not only stay on topic, but manage to soothe her pain or anxiety, was something that had perplexed then suited Lily, thank you very much.

But she didn't love him. Nooooo thank you sir. And she actually felt bad for it. He really, honestly tried so hard, so anxious to put a smile on her lips, or to woo her with small gestures of kindness. Still, she couldn't help but get the sense that he had a much deeper fondness of her than she had of him. He depended on her much more than she depended on him, what with his mother's condition. He was an only child; he needed her support, her attention, _he_ needed _her_. And sometimes, oftentimes, Lily almost wanted to drown herself in the toilets at her predicament: should she lead him on further?

Not to get her wrong. Lily liked James, in fact, she probably liked him the most out of all the boyfriends she had had. But, again…she was not quite sure whether she had really wanted this relationship to happen, to blossom. Oh, at James' house, it had all been magnificent. It had actually been almost like a romance novel or movie of some type, what with her being somehow forced to stay at his place, he being an only child had nothing better to do than to look after his guest, and then, randomly, they fell for each other. Or, rather, he convinced her to fall for him. "Fall" should actually be replaced with 'develop an admiration and something akin to a friendship, but with one party feeling the guilt of knowing the other party has something more than friendship in mind'. Yup, that seemed about right.

Lily looked over at the glow-in-the-dark clock set on the dresser beside her 'new best friend'. It wasn't quite midnight yet…there were still chances that James had passed out on the couch. Just the thought of seeing him asleep on the couch with his glasses all crooked, his lips slightly parted allowing for only the slightest snore to come out was too much for Lily to bear. Her mouth instantly curved upwards into a foolish grin, and, heart pumping and all, Lily stepped into her slippers and carefully tiptoed out of the dormitory, making sure no one was awake to witness such an event.

As quiet as a mouse, Lily made her way down to the bottom of the stairs where she saw, to her dismay; no one was on the couch. The fire was now just a pile of glowing embers, and the little light it did emit was trying on her eyes. She silently cursed herself for having waited so long, wasting her time convincing herself that she was still the old Lily, still the borderline snobbish yet very helpful and dedicated student she had originally been. She should have been down here instead, making amends with James, working very hard to come to a mutual understanding. Knowing that he had probably fallen asleep angry at her, Lily sighed and walked towards the couch. She almost yelped when she saw that she had been about to sit on a dark haired student…

It opened one of its eyes. "Evans?" it grunted. So that means 'it' was a 'he'.

"Oh. Black," she exhaled as she took a seat opposite him. "What are you doing on the couch?"

He growled something, pushed his face into the arm of the couch, growled another something, then grudgingly sat up, setting his feet on the poof in front of him. "You?"

"I'm sorry," she replied, "I didn't hear that." Something flashed in his eyes, something reminiscent of annoyance, and he leaned forward and gave her a look that almost made her freeze. Almost.

"You're something else, aren't you, Evans?" he started, leaning back as he originally was. Sirius Black was, hands down, the oddest person to hit this planet. She raised an inquiring eyebrow, requesting him to elaborate. "I mean, you have to be, getting James all worked up like he is."

"What do you mean?" she asked, her heart refusing to beat lest she miss something due to its overly loud pounding and Sirius' very baritone voice.

"Potter. James. James Potter. My best mate? Ring a bell?"

"Sirius –"

"What did you say to the poor guy?" Poor guy? Wasn't he the richest….no that wasn't the point. Poor guy…that meant that Sirius was pitying his friend, which only meant that they were now on speaking terms. She hoped against hope that they were. Unless, the whole reason behind their making up was along the lines of James going up to his dormitory and crying so loudly that Sirius had been forced to apologize because he couldn't bear hearing his best mate blubbering like a two year old.

"I…I…"

Sirius barked a laugh. "HA! Don't act the innocent, Evans! You two were down here arguing – the entire house heard you – and not twelve minutes later Prongsie's knocking at the dormitory door explaining to Remus that he had been wrong to snap, yadi-yadi- yadda." Lily couldn't help but smile inwardly at this. "Then he comes up to me, punched me in the arm, and yells at me that I've been acting like a spoiled kid. Then the guy EXPLODES about how I need to respect whatever it is he does with his time with you. And then…well, we'll just conclude by saying that we're now, officially, all good again."

It took all her efforts to say, "Huh?"

"Geezus! And he keeps saying how bright you are! Honestly!" he rubbed his under arms as he yawned something awfully loud, stood and walked towards the boys' stairs, only to stop midway through to turn and walk directly towards her. "Now you listen here, Evans! James is going to tell you something when you allow him to talk to you again, and I want you to take this very seriously, Okay?" His right index finger found its way numerous times to her shoulder. "You might not like it, you might disagree, but you will do well to respect the boundaries that separate you from me and me from you, clear?"

Again, she had to dig into the depths of her strength to muster up the word, "Uh-huh." Why was Sirius so taken, so infuriated? Never had she seen him act so vivid before. Never had he ever dared to lay a finger on her!

"Good. James seems happy with you…and I want…I like that." She scarcely heard the "Thanks" he whispered before he climbed up the stairs.

It was probably an hour later that Lily realised she was still in the common room, sitting transfixed on the single seat she had sat on a while ago to listen to Sirius. To Black. Sirius Black. In any case, time had ceased to stop for her when he had said something about James and happy. Or was it James being happy? It was something like that, and it scared her so much she was forced to retreat to her own little world inside her head, to try to find the voice of reason.

The information she had gathered from Sirius' little stint proved itself more valuable, more…significant than any smile from James, any of the times he had pulled her up by the hand, than any time he had set his hand at the bottom of her back to lead her across a hallway or through a door. It was easy to act a certain way around the person you were trying to impress, but when they are gone, what's the point of keeping up the act? They can't see you, right? That only means that they can't pass judgement, even if what you've done is later relayed to them through the grapevine. But James had actually carried it over. He had done what she had told him to do once (at the very beginning of the argument) and had later decided against. Besides, what's the point of apologizing if you haven't a clue what you are apologizing for? But he had pulled it off, understood, all by his lonesome, why he should be apologising, and going farther than that: he made amends with all who were involved!

It could have been that James had realised that, with Sirius, Lily, and Remus mad at him, he would have few people he really cared about to spend his time with, and thus had concluded to patch things up with the ones whom he had known the longest: With his best mates. But somehow, Lily denied this and instead reckoned he had done this because it had been important to her. Her reasoning was definitely faulty, she presumed, as it was getting later and later into the night, but she still couldn't help but feel like something major had just hit her in the face. No, rather, it had hit her in the chest. James was so sweet, so kind, compassionate, yet still able to maintain an air of (was it pride? Dignity? Composure?) around his friends and her, and he still found a way to do something some (like her father) would have regarded as 'girly' by admitting to being in the wrong and making up for it with a decent apology all the while staying composed. These were, without a doubt, fantasies which she encouraged as she trudged up the stairs to her dormitory, walked heavy-footed to her bed and climbed between the bed sheets.

_James,_ she thought for the millionth time this day, _I don't know what to make of you._ Should she make a resolution to be true to herself as she is around him? Or, should she continue with life as it had always been? Wanted or not, Lily now realised that she, too, was changing, that James was affecting her much like she was affecting him, if only in a more subtle manner (as Lily had always been resistant to change). Change, as it were, was always undertone with a sense of something negative for her, what with the last two major changes of her life revolving around the loss of the two people she had cherished more than anything. Yet here she was, catching herself smiling in the dead of the night at nothing of particular interest. She was merely smiling because she felt like smiling. James had apologised, of all things holy, he had done it! All on his own! No whining, no complaints, just an argument (based on the fact that he didn't understand what he'd be apologising for), yet once he figured that small problem out, he had done it.

_Perhaps,_ she thought, _tomorrow will be a good day. Maybe tomorrow, I'll wake up early and watch the sunrise._ She snorted. As if she'd cut back on precious sleep! No, tomorrow would be executed much the same as the previous day, and the day before that. Only, only this time, she felt like she needed to do something different. Something minor, something trivial that would not necessarily mean much to those around her, but something that would mean a great deal to her. She wanted to surprise James much the same way he surprised her.

Then it dawned on her as her conscious thoughts began slipping away further and further into the oblivion of the land of dreams. And before she officially visited this land, she knew exactly what she had to do.

She would admit that she depended on him as much as he depended on her, that she needed their relationship as much as he did. No one had the upper hand in this relationship and she would be the first to admit that tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN** Yess! Another chapter (which means that something somewhere is getting the slack end of the deal. No word yet whether it is homework or social life...the safe bet would be both!) and only one day later. It probably means that I am not going to update during the week, but I will try my bestest. A big thanks to all who are reading; Thank You.

This chapter is told from James' perspective, and unfortunately, the title has nothing to do with the content.

Please enjoy!

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**Chapter 5 - Revealing Words of a Poet**

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up! James groaned and let his head fall onto his chest. Sirius, always the one to complain about early mornings, had actually planned a prank that involved an early rise. That was why, three hours later, James sat at the Gryffindor table, almost sleeping in his plate, his conscience ordering him to keep his eyes open, body failing to comply. A fifteen minute nap would be so welcoming right now…

"Oww!" He snapped at the person who had punched his outstretched hand. Nursing it like a child, he struggled to open his eyes, spotted the culprit, and glared at him.

"Your girlfriend's here. Just thought you might like to know," stated the other matter-of-factly. It bothered James to know that Sirius could entertain the notion of enjoying the sight of his friend being unable to greet his girlfriend with a display of affection, such as a hug, as there would be none of that today. Today, he had promised himself to keep his distance and wait for her to cool off. He had messed up bad last night, at least, bad enough to get her to storm out of the common room, something she hadn't done for over six months.

Slurping from his left caught his attention. Scratch that. The slurping noises got on his nerves. He didn't really need to turn his head to see the one responsible for such an annoyance. Who else but Pete ate porridge every morning? Just as James was about to open his mouth to tell him off about the slurping, he saw something sliding off his mate's lips and back into his bowl. This, of course, horrified him. Eww was the best term used to describe what he felt. It was like eating something, spiting it out and putting it back in your mouth. James watched in revulsion as his friend's spoon found its way to a spot close enough to where the drop had landed, scooped up a spoonful of the grey and clumpy material, and stuffed it into his mouth.

"You're gross, you know that, don't you?" Sirius grumbled. James sighed with relief. Sirius had voiced his exact thoughts which did two things for James. First off, it embarrassed Peter, who then took on a more careful way of eating, and two, it meant that James and Sirius were just like always: They were on the same level.

Someone sat down beside him. Two sniffs in the air and James couldn't help but guess who it was. She smelt…wait! If she had sat down next to him, that could only mean one thing: She wanted to talk to him! Or no, maybe there just was no room left on the far side of the table. Whatever the cause, James was comforted by the fact that all seemed as it should. He was sitting at a table with his best mates, Lily by his side.

Picking up his glass of milk (which he had promised his mother to drink every morning for his entire stay at Hogwarts), the boy mumbled something along the lines of, "Can I talk to you?"

"Why wouldn't you be able to?" she asked with a somewhat pitchy voice. He turned his head up to look at her face. There had to be a trace of something…

"I…err, I…I mean, well-" he was mumbling like a bumbling buffoon, all because of his inability to admit, out loud anyway, that he had cheesed her off.

"Look, Potter, it takes a lot more than your ignorance to make me mad at you. I can't possibly stop talking to you simply because you don't see things the way I do. That would be so…I don't know, something some evil wizard would do." His stomach smiled. His face smiled. His stomach growled. His mouth opened and his hand fed him a burnt toast.

"Told you so," whispered Remus from across him. James nodded his head, bobbing it up and down along with the rhythm of his bottom jaw chewing his food. He liked burnt toast. He liked Lily. He liked Remus being mock-pretentious. He liked the grin on Sirius' face. He liked that Peter had stopped being disgusting. He liked that he had woken up early because, had it gone any other way, this, right now, would not be happening.

IIIIIII

"So I'll come get you at nine again?" he asked, stopping her in front of the library. She nodded, tried to say 'yeah' but the result was only the motion of her mouth. "Alright then, I'll see you later, then," he took the book back from his shoulder and handed it to her, kissed her on the forehead and made towards the corridor.

"James!" He turned without a moment's hesitation. "I – we…we need to talk about something, alright?"

"Sure."

"Good. Be here at nine."

Another two weeks had passed since James and Sirius had reconciled. It was almost Halloween, and that had the entire school (except the seventh years) up in bubbles. The professors were being brutal, almost inhuman. Their constant negligence of the fact that these young adults may actually like a rest or two between fourteen-foot essays, heavy projects, and Head's duties convinced the Marauders that the seventh year professors were actually a bit loco. It was almost as though they got a sick pleasure out of watching the ones stuck between adolescence and adulthood lose their heads, their sense of self, and the movement in their hands (whichever they wrote with). It frightened him, really, to see how much of a leap there was between sixth and seventh year. It scared him to ponder what things would be like in post-Hogwarts education. Whoever went into specified programs were most likely suffering from a lapse in judgement for whom in their right minds would go begging for more after having endured this?

Remus probably would. He didn't really know where that thought came from, but he knew it was his own. _No, Remus wouldn't, he'd be too scared that anyone would find out._ And that's where it dawned on him. Perhaps Remus would enjoy torturing himself with more work, but won't because of his…hairy, fluffy, not overly-friendly condition. It was unfortunate, James thought, that someone with such potential could impede themselves on the account of someone discovering something. And then James reminded himself of how he would feel if Sirius or Remus were to find out about Gwendolyn's fits, and it made him realise that there were some secrets he would lay down his life for, much like Remus was doing. These secrets were only meant to be shared between certain people, people you not only trusted, but people who you meant something to. He realised that this had been the root of his discomfort when Lily had found out, as, at that time, Lily had not been especially close to him, nor he to her.

James' footsteps echoed in the corridor as he made his rounds, once again, alone. The fifth year Slytherin who was supposed to accompany him was presently sitting in the hospital wing, down with something like the shivers. Not that it bothered him to walk around the castle alone, but rather, he had become quite interested in what the kid had to say and actually missed their very devious conversations. Not all Slytherins were evil, James had granted Lily this a few weeks prior, but they all had a knack for it, they all knew what it meant to be sly and, as far as James was concerned, they all knew how to play the hypocrite. Now, usually, those aren't very attractive traits one looks for in a friend, but in James' case, it had intrigued him. Old Slytherin must have been a cunning man, indeed, to want such traits in his house. Yet, if applied to certain areas of life, say, jokes or pranks, there was no doubt in his mind that the Slytherins would excel.

James let his hand rub the back of his head, come around to the front of his face, and pushed his glasses back up his nose. His thoughts drifted again, this time, to his mother. He remembered what Peter had said to her on the platform at the beginning of September and realised that, yes, her hair _was_ so white it looked purple, and it made him laugh. He reached inside his robes, settled down on the bottom step of the staircase he had walked by twice that night, and unfolded the crinkled parchment he had received just this morning. It had come in a wide envelope, thick, and he had laughed as the tidy ancient script read: 'To: My Fanclub, Hogwarts Great Hall, somewhere in front of James Potter.' The envelope had contained six letters, one for him, Sirius, Pete and Remus, one for Lily, and one for Dumbledore. He was never allowed to peek inside Dumbledore's letter, although he would have just for the sake of knowing whether or not they talked about his father at all even after his death.

'_My Dearest Son,_

_I write to you today from the kitchen table. Rhett is presently tapping the table and, I must admit, no matter how much it irritates me, I will not resort to anger. _

_How have you been? Are the professors still as cruel as they were when I was at school? If I remember correctly, you should be drowning in homework, although I can scarcely imagine you putting up with any trouble of going through the pile and finishing it. It's too bad, really, that someone with such potential would do so little to let it flourish and become reality. But what can I expect from a seventeen year old boy? At least, I am sure you are keeping yourself busy. In the first week, I received two letters detailing your and your friends' clever pranks. (How much you remind me of your father, you will never know. I wish he were here to tell you all of the horrors he subjected our school to. You would laugh, and possibly learn a few things too.) At least I know you are learning the spells and potions right, as there is no way you would be able to pull any of it off without a slight understanding of the theory at work, am I not right?_

_You know James, one of the days that had kept you, for whatever reason, from tending to your guest, I had a private little chat with your friend. She does not wish me to disclose any specifics, and it kills me to laugh at my own private joke without anyone to laugh with, but, I must confess, that she is quite the little charmer. Her parents must have let her off with a fair share of deviousness, as she not only reminds me a bit of you, but she also reminds me of a friend I had in my late sixties. Now this woman, you should have known! She was…'_

James sighed, looked at his watch, then, noticing the time, skipped to the bottom of the letter.

'_and I know that one day you will come to understand, just as I did, that the little lessons learned in life are not separate entities, but rather collectively make up who we are, what we are, and why we are. Our being, our existence is a direct product of nature, nurture, surroundings and events. I have lived in this world more than twenty times your age, James, and although I've learned much in the process, I realise only now that it is fruitless for me to try to force feed you the lessons I've learned. I have to convince myself that my role is to sit back in my rocking chair and watch you, as I did this summer, as I did the summer your father died. My being here is not only…'_

James looked up at his watch again, and pushed his glasses up his nose once more. He didn't like to read that part, especially the next few lines, so he skipped, again, to the very end.

'_I love you with all my heart, James, and even though I know what is about to happen (I was young once and full of confidence, full of hopes for the future of me and my loved ones), I know that you are fully aware on where your mother is and how to get in touch with her._

_I cannot wait to see you for Christmas. Please, do invite Sirius over, as well as Remus and Peter for at least a few days. As for Lily, she already knows I want her to spend Christmas with us. How about you?_

_Try to keep yourself out of trouble,_

_Love,_

_Mum'_

What did she mean by "I know what is about to happen?" What is about to happen? Surely, no he couldn't even entertain the thought of his mother speaking of her death. Besides, it made no sense, wouldn't fit in with the rest of the surrounding phrases. So what had she meant?

At nine o'clock, James turned the final corner towards the library and happened upon Lily. She looked as though she was very awake which was most peculiar as Lily never looked fully alert after studying in the quiet sometimes dim library.

"Finally!" she exclaimed, working her hand inside his own. He reached over (like any gentleman would) and took her book bag from her insisting she should not be burdened by books she had just spent three hours with.

He let her lead him up some stairs, down some stairs. They stopped off at the Gryffindor tower, whence Lily stepped inside briefly to put away her books. She came out with a shawl around her shoulders and took James' hand again. He was glad that they had been appointed late night duties tonight for he was almost sure that, had it gone any other way, he and she would not be alone together.

The silent fifteen minutes that first passed by were comfortable, but the twentieth and twenty third minute became more of a discomfort for the already insecure young man. Looking back, James had noticed a change in his confidence in his relationship with Lily, noticed that he had become much more assertive and positive rather than meek and suspecting. Yet, however long it took him to attain that level of almost-certainty, all his efforts had withered away when she had marched up the stairs towards her dormitory without saying a proper goodnight. That, James figured, was an indication that whatever he thought he had attained had only come about on a superficial level, and that, deep down, he still hadn't a clue how to handle himself around her. His palms still got sweaty at times, and he still felt uneasy if she would tear up. The best example of this had happened a few weeks ago when Lily and James had spent the day alone due to it being the anniversary of her father's death. She had cried a few tears then, reminiscing about the past, telling James how she missed her father so. He had been unable to respond. It would have been inappropriate for him to shift attention to his own family by saying something like, "I know. I miss my father terribly." But it had also been expected of him to say something, or at least do something to comfort her. As his arm grew tired from rubbing her back, James had realised that he was still naïve and utterly useless as it applied to young women.

"So," James said calmly, burying away his restlessness. "You said that you wanted to talk?"

"I did."

"Well?" How very un-Lily-like to not come straight out and say it. Would have actually have to siphon it from her? Taking her silence as a _yes_ to his own suspicions, James cleared his throat. "Should I guess what it's all about, or…will you tell me?"

She shrugged. "Do you want to guess it?"

He rolled his eyes behind his closed eyelids. _Patience, patience. Be patient with her. She's obviously about to reveal to us something important, like a divorce or something._

Wait, a divorce? They weren't even married yet! Still, an official separation or 'break' (as some preferred to label it) would be quite testing on his ability to keep himself composed. He knew that if ever he were to hear words remotely like, "We need to break up," his glasses would be crushed between the ground and his foot.

"That night?"

She smiled at him. "Sort of."

"Sort of…" he made as if chewing her words, ingesting each measure of them and calculating precisely what she was hinting at. "How does it relate to last night?"

"I don't know, just something."

It was nine thirty, James had been up since early this morning, he had an exam in three day's time and a twelve-foot paper due on the devastating effect of using the anticlockwise stir rather than the clockwise stir during the creation of the potion that cured people from mandrake bites. He was tired, worried about his mum, anxious, petrified of what his girlfriend wanted to speak to him about, and he really didn't feel up to playing the game Lily had obviously set her mind on playing. His chest felt like it was being pressed down on him from all sides.

He stopped, turned to her, place his hands on either of her shoulders and dipped his head low so their eyes were even. "Lily, I really like you, a lot, and…" _if you don't come out and say it, I'm going to blow my own head off with a spontaneous internal explosion! _"And whatever is on your mind, you have nothing to be shy about. I think that we aren't kids anymore, and that we can pretty much handle anything together, right? Even if," and this is where he had to choke back this ungodly sense of panic, "if we have to split up."

"Split up?" Her face was white as rain. "James, who said anything – is that what you think? That I …oh, I get it." Her eyes meandered to a spot behind his head. "You have three minutes to head back towards your own common room!" James turned and saw two Hufflepuff fifth years standing with eyes big as bullfrogs. When they left, Lily laughed and James realised he had let his hands drop away from her.

"I don't want to break up with you, James." _Good._ She wrapped her arm about his, much like that time they had walked together last summer. "It's just that…it's a bit difficult for me to say. I can't really find – I don't know how to say it."

"Say it like you are saying it in your own head." He smiled at her from the corner of his lips.

She inhaled deeply. "Okay," she uttered after a few steps forward, "okay," she mumbled immediately afterwards. "So I don't think you've ever asked about it, but I often asked myself about it and I never really knew what the actual answer was until sometime that night.

"You remember how I ended up going to your house, right? That your mother overheard Petunia and felt bad for me?" He nodded, silent yet dedicating his full attention to her. "Well, I didn't really need to accompany you two. I mean, yes, perhaps for a day or two, but your mother gave me the option to owl my friends to see if perhaps I'd be able to stay the summer there."

"You refused?" he scarcely could keep his chest from swelling with pride.

"No. I sent out a letter to three of my friends. I told them that I was somehow stuck at your house and that they had nothing to worry about. They owled back saying how much pity they felt for me, and I lied to your mom and told her that they couldn't take me in.

"I didn't know why I did that! I didn't like you at the time, I actually found you quite the weirdo, what with you being locked up in your room for about four days straight! So why stay? And that's been bothering me ever since. But I figured it out! I figured out that the reason why I didn't want to stay was because you were depressed, and I _felt_ depressed, so I figured, what's the point of going to my friend's house? She'll probably just try to make me smile when really all I want to do is sulk around like you were doing." And how proud it made him feel that she had termed his behaviour as sulking. Still, he smiled privately at the truth of the label. Sitting down on the cold staircase (the same one he had occupied many-a-minutes before), James rested his elbows on his knees and stared straight ahead. Lily sat beside him, he felt her leg against his, and she turned towards him. He turned his head to look at her and wiggled his eyebrows. She pinched his arm.

"Ow!"

"'Deserved it!"

"I know, but still, ow!" He rubbed his arm even though it hadn't hurt. Somehow, the atmosphere had gone from serious to joking to comfortable again.

"So then, as we both know, we started talking and I actually started to like you. Actually, I probably liked you before the week was through, but I didn't know it. Anyway, your mother, at one point or another, started to tell me about how she found you changed when you came home from school. She explained that you were slightly more responsible, yet still childish. That got me thinking that you acted one way at school and completely differently at home. 'That about right, Potter?" He nodded, eyes now fixed on her black shoes. "That's what I wanted from your home – I wanted to be able to leave my school personality behind and become this really dark almost suicidal person, but not really suicidal. But, you know the type? Poetic and always sombre…those kinds that you often worry about?" Again, he bobbed his head up and down.

"You didn't become that way, though. At least not around me you didn't," he remarked.

She smiled. "Exactly! I started being super, I guess, light and friendly and…ugh! I developed a whole new personality, but only when I was around you, or when I knew you were near. I didn't really notice until I left your house, though. I only realised it when your mother scolded me in a letter. I was so mad at her! She said I was writing like a prude. She also wrote she'd hit me with a wooden spoon if I didn't straighten out." James laughed knowing all too well the truth that lay behind that seemingly comical threat.

"So you were almost schizophrenic?"

"No! I just didn't think that my "James-personality" really meshed well with my "Friend-personality" so I just adapted to whoever I was with. And then school started, and because we are often together, I took on the "James-personality"."

"Why not the "Friend-personality"?"

"Because, I think…I think it's because I'd rather have them snub me out for acting weird than you. I could handle them being mad at me and confronting me about it, but I didn't think I'd be able to stand you looking all confused."

"Hmm." _Hmm! More like WOAH!_ He couldn't believe she had straight out admitted that his opinion of her took precedence over the opinion of her friends. This was something huge, monumental, and you can rest assured that James quickly scribbled a mental note claiming today was the day James' self confidence got boosted. Try as he might to act cool on the exterior, his stomach growled, not of hunger, but of sheer glee!

"That's all you have to say?" she asked in disbelief. James immediately felt bad for having acted so coolly towards her. She had, after all, revealed something of great depth just now.

"No. I have to say that…well, hold on. I can't think of what to-"

"Just say it like it's going on in your head," she directed in much the same tone he had used a while earlier.

He grinned. "Like a bubble of gas just erupted in my chest and it's puffing out more and more and…Lily," he turned his torso quickly followed by his legs, towards the young lady beside him. "Sometimes you act cold towards me, and I accept it because you are you, and I know that with all the things that are going on in your head and heart with your family and everything, I know that I shouldn't expect of you to sit there and ponder the meaning of our relationship. But I have and each time I think about it, it's like a whirlpool, it's like I can't get my head out of it, so I'm stuck, head under the water, and I'll be a fool's brain if I can't breathe that water! Even if I was to struggle, it'd be useless, because I've become so attached to this, to you and me…basically us, and I guess, I don't really allow myself to believe that you'd think or feel the same way." He clenched his fists, loosened them, clenched them again, and rubbed the back of his head.

"I'm just as over my head in it as you are, James. I just play it off a wee bit better than you do."

He sighed. "I sometimes wish you wouldn't."

It was her turn to sigh. After a few moments, she took another breath and…sighed again. "I'll makesurenottodoit anymore." He was barely able to make out the words she had blurted so fast.

"Take your time, Lily. I'm not into rushing things between us, you should know that."

"Thank you."

Walking back towards the tower, James held on to Lily's had with a much firmer grip than he had before.

Just as he was about to kiss her on the forehead to bid her a good night, Lily wrapped her hands about his crane, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the forehead. "Goodnight James," she hummed/whispered.

He lowered himself again to meet her eyes and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "You too."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Yes! After the longest wait ever, I finally update a story! I promised myself I'd get this up today (well, it's night but we'll not make a huge fuss about that) and so here it is. It has never been edited, so please bear with me, I just really wanted this up. Eventually I'll get back to editing, but I want to start publishing chapters on a regular basis, get back to my hobbies now that I've no more homework!

Please enjoy, and whether you do or do not, it is always nice to get feedback!

* * *

**Chapter 6 - An End of Sorts**

The weekend before that Halloween marked the arrival of the much anticipated first Hogsmead visit of term. All through the last two days of the week, any student above second year was restless, so much so that half of the last classes on Thursday were dismissed early as the pupils were too excited to quiet down. That brought up many a hopes for the following Friday. Unfortunately for the seventh years, all hopes were squashed by the ever-looming promise of the end of the year "sooner-than-you-think" exams.

James Potter, Marauder, Prank Extraordinaire, sat alongside his co-prankers, but the lecturer was not the one who had their attention. The four of them (yes, Remus included) were hunched over a piece of parchment, where was hosted a four-way conversation. Luckily, the professor (who could be quite daft in her natural state) had nothing to rise her suspicions as the quartet had figured out a clever little charm that enabled them to tele-communicate. They called it "the infamous secret tele-quill spell."

Although James' handwriting appeared more or less as frequently as it normally would, his mind was not as present as his ink. Something Peter and Sirius had said on the previous Tuesday was only now rubbing him the wrong way. What they had said, precisely, James could not recall. What he could remember was that had they directed that verbal exchange towards him, he would not have laughed it off. He would have said, in a low commanding tone (the one he used whenever cautioning his best mate), "Speak to me like that again and you're a dead wizard." Of course, they would all laugh it off, but in the end, the message would have gotten through, and that's what really counts.

Remus had laughed it off. And not a forced, fake laugh like one would expect, but a rather normal, cheerful, happy-go-lucky laugh.

And that bothered James. So, it wasn't so much what Peter and Sirius were saying that perturbed him, it was the fact that, even though no one in their right minds would have laughed along, Remus had: He had laughed the same way he laughed the first time McGonagall had slapped Sirius upside the head. One might ask, "Yeah, so what? What's the big deal?" But James, the o-so-clever and perceptive boy he could (sometimes) be, realised that his werewolf friend could instigate a real hearty laugh at will. Which meant that there was really no telling if he was actually laughing along or just laughing for the sake of not letting everyone find out that whatever had been said was hurtful.

Merlin! He was hanging around Lily too much!

After the class was dismissed, James took his time gathering his things, knowing full well that Sirius was already halfway out the door, and Peter was trudging along not two steps behind. Lily was in the far corner of the room in the midst of some weird conversation about one poor boy who had the misfortune of asking one of her friends on a date. Remus waited for him at his desk, not three paces behind him. "'Mus!" James called as he caught up to him. "Mind if we talk for a bit?"

Remus kindly nodded his head. "What can I help you with, James?" he asked normally. "Got some Lily issues?"

James stopped. "Why? Did Lily say something to you?" _Because if she's upset about something and I don't know –_

"No, it's just that you're not walking her to the common room," replied a smiling Moony.

James felt like a fool. Honestly, it was always a big overreaction whenever any derivative of "trouble" and the name "Lily" were in close proximity in a paragraph. "Ha! She's got her friends to accompany her. Besides, I want to have a chat with you, mate!" He clapped his arm around the other's shoulder in a mock affectionate way. Remus burst into a spout of laughter, short lived mind you, and asked him to get on with it then.

"Tuesday, in the dormitory, you know, I just wanted to tell you not to take what they said serious-"

"I know, James, don't worry. It's all in good fun." James stopped walking, Remus obviously didn't notice until he was a few steps along. But in those few seconds, James' insides were consumed by something so forceful, so powerful, that he could scarcely breathe. Remus' echoing "What?" as he called down the corridor was the only thing that helped James win the private battle of whether or not to strangle the young ill-looking wizard or to drown him. If he honestly didn't know what could be so wrong with what happened…well, who could possible kill an innocent naïve person?

"I don't get it, Moony, I really don't."

"What?"

"You. I cannot begin to fathom what you feel, what you put up with just because we're your friends."

Remus' face went pale, his eyebrows twitching towards the back of his forehead. "What does that even mean?"

"DON'T!" James hollered, not caring that the third years walking by were struggling to keep their surprised faces from turning into bouts of laughter. "Don't play dumb, Remus," James growled. "We both know you're smarter than that." Still more people past by, but they made sure to walk on the opposite side of the corridor.

"Let's just go, James, there's nothing to discu-"

"Why do you run from it? I only now realise that we've been less-than-good friends –"

Remus' face was borderline transparent. His eyes grew dark, and his lips sunk into his face. He looked sick, sicker than the day after the full moon, and by the way he kept switching his book bag from one shoulder to the other, it was clear his nerves were getting the best of him. "Don't. Don't think it for one moment, Potter. You three have done more than I would have let you –"

"But it's not always been good, Lupin! You can't keep up with this act. I saw you laugh, Remus, at what they said – but even I, James Potter – the one who basically takes nothing to heart – would not have laughed." They were walking again. Nothing was said until they had almost reached the common room. "Why don't you ever defend yourself?"

The portrait hole opened from the inside, Remus slipped inside quickly whilst James sighed and trudged through the entry. Remus, waiting on the other side for him (probably more out of politeness than out of want to finish this conversation) greeted James with a look of disdain. "There's no need to defend myself against harmless jokes and insults, James. I don't take to these sorts of games – "

Why couldn't the boy understand? James could not, would not tolerate this. "Remus," he struggled to keep his tone under control. "Remus," he tried again, failed, cleared his throat and again attempted to continue. "Look, I understand that you think you owe us, but don't even think about it. We did what we did for you, sure, but don't forget that we all got something out of it, too, so really, we've been even ever since we met. There's no one who deserves to be tramped on, and no one deserves to be king, either."

Sirius and Peter had already disposed of their ties and were about to walk out of the door when James and Remus stepped in. Glaring daggers at the shaggy haired boy, Sirius nodded and pulled on Peter's sleeve, whispered something, and the latter closed the door. Sirius whispered the locking spell. He also added the silencing charm he had long before mastered. Just the look on James' face alarmed him of his mate's need to holler.

"What's goin'-"

"That's a bit rich, coming from you Potter!" Shouted the sickly young man.

"Wha'?"

"The whole "no one's low, no one's king" speech. What do you think you've been up to all these years?"

James' stomach disappeared. Any emotion he had previously felt were now gone. Something of a void filled into his head and try as he might, he couldn't understand what his supposed best friend was hinting at. He slid his glasses up his nose, more out of habit than anything else, and waited patiently for something to be said.

Sirius was the one who took full charge. "I asked, what is going on?"

"Potter's off on a pity trip. He thinks he's been appointed the daddy of the group or something and –" Peter chuckled in the background.

"SHUT UP PETTIGREW!" Sirius barked. "Now, Moony, you were saying?"

But James didn't hear the rest. Comprehension dawned on him suddenly like the time he had learned about the difference between Wizards and Muggles. Remus had attacked him and his person. Remus Lupin, the one who took everything lying down, tail between his legs, had directly attacked James. And he had missed it, missed the opportunity to retort, had completely and utterly given away his one true chance to test Remus' limits. All because he had been off guard.

"And that means what? James breaks his neck for us all the time! Potter's the one –"

"Yeah, Potter, Potter, Potter! It's always about Prongs, the ever-majestic –"

"OKAY! STOP." Everyone turned to face him. "Remus is right."

"What?"

"No, Remus, you're right. I admit it. I like it, I like the attention I get from Peter, the fact that he almost worships me makes me feel more like a man or something."

"I…I don't worsh-"

"And Sirius, I like that, although he's rather headstrong, that he respects me more than he respects anyone else. And I expect it of him, and it gives me some sort of confidence booster."

"Huh?"

"And Remus, Lupin, Moony, I like dominating the group rather than have you do it because it gives me the assurance that I can take control when someone who had every reason to want to be in control can't do it. You're too shy to be a leader, too passive, and so I take the shape of that – the leader." Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sirius, smiling crookedly on his bed. Somewhere, somehow, that comforted him. It meant that no matter what, Sirius would back him up on this one. "Between us, yeah, I like to be 'king'. Do you have a problem with that?"

Remus looked on the verge of saying something, and although his face showed every trace of an argument, his body fell upon his bed where he sat, staring at James.

"Didn't think so." Nothing was said afterwards, at least, not for another half hour or so. Sirius had outright refused to take off his locking charm, and so the foursome sat in stony silence, James and Sirius exchanging a few nods when no one was looking, Peter slowly making his way closer to James' bed, and, sometimes, the latter was sure he saw Remus on the other side with a look of pleading on his face. Sometimes, it looked like loathing.

He didn't exactly feel good about what he had said because, on some layer, in fact, probably on every layer, he agreed. He never had really made a conscious effort to see himself as the leader, never really considered there needing to be a domineering personality within the group, but, thinking in retrospect, had it not always been he and Sirius who had led the group on outings? Had he not been the only one to keep Sirius in tow whenever something foul had been emitted from his brain into his actions? So he had been, in a way, always leading the group. A silent leadership, he called it. Silent because he had never been aggressively assertive about it…

At least, not with Remus. Peter, on the other hand…well Peter was different. They had made friends with Peter because Remus had been sitting with him in the beginning. They had accepted him on no other basis than that. The integration part had come about much quicker, especially since he had been somewhat awed by the abilities of James and his counterpart – Sirius. Then, James had made the Gryffindor team and that was when the idolizing had really come about. How foolish he had been to actually _want_ Peter to clap his hands and bubble with glee every time he caught the snitch. He began to resent, or rather realise that he actually resented the person he had been up until now.

"This, this is it, isn't it?" whispered Peter from the opposite side of the room. His voice was rugged, had to it a kind of sleepy quality.

"What are you goin' on about, Wormtail?" snapped Sirius. "This is what?"

James shot a glance at Remus, who in turn raised his eyebrows in utter defeat. Both simultaneously eyed Peter, half expecting him to burst out laughing, half expecting him to start blubbering.

"It's the beginning of the end of the Marauders. We keep fighting and arguing, mates, I hate to admit it but…"

It was Sirius who took offence first, who stood up and smacked Peter outright in the back of the head with a scroll of old parchment.

The laughter that followed suit helped relieve some of the tension between the four boys. For the remainder of the evening, the friends acted as though nothing today was different than it was yesterday or even four years ago.

Yet lingering behind James' thoughts was an echo of Peter's words…only he'd have to sleep on it for many days to come to finally realise this fact.


End file.
